Eat'row Airport

My lovely girlfriend Eleanor has just got back from yet another trip to India. She called me excitedly from Terminal 4 two weeks ago to say she'd found a pun for me, and now, a fortnight later here it is!




I think what I like most about it is that saying it makes you sound like you're putting on a posh accent. "One would like to eat at Dining Street this evening." Go on, give it a try. It's fun! It'll make you feel like Alistair McGowan for a couple of minutes. Only funnier.

TFI Punday 7 - #animalgames

Sorry sorry sorry! I've been busy than a very busy bee who's fighting some sort of honey recession lately, so the peak of TFI Punday's lot has been left til the bloomin' Wednesday to surface!

But, better late than never, here's what was upended during a very productive Mondayod #animalgames, if only in gag terms:

Geese Who?
The Weakest Lynx
Connect Boar
Crabble
Giraughts
Cluedoe
Hide n Sheep
Follow My Lemur
Name That Tuna
Vole in The Wall
Monopony
Tic Tac Toad
Pigtionary
Otteration!
Carplunk
Batgammon
Terrapin Bowling
Newts & Crosses
Marbulls
Mortal Wombat
Truth or Bear
Who Wallaby a Millionaire?
Salmon Says
Roebuck's Cube
Grand Theft Otter
Duck in The Mud
Pop-up Primate
Leopardy!
Supermarket Sheep
Downfoal
Duck Billiard Platypus

And all I could scrape from the practically whittled barrel:

Charaadvarks
Dove Ha'penny
Kangaruno
Lacrostich
The Yes/Gnu Game
World of Hawkraft

More sleepless nights next week!

Arts hole

You'll have to excuse any superfluous exclamation marks in this entry, as Tottenham just absolutely HAMMERED Wigan 9-1 and my Dad's had to get me down from the ceiling!

While in this extatic mood, I got an email from Gary about this year's entrys for the Turnip Prize, which is an answer to some other prize for art that may or may not be assosciated with constant ridicule.

Here's the BBC story on it.
One of the highlights being The Knickerless Cage:



Might have to sort out a little viewing of that one!

EASY! EASY! EASY! EASY! EASY!
Didn't that lot beat Chelsea?

Sorry. No more football chat. Promise.

Lee king force it

My old colleague who I constantly got mixed up with, Lee sent me a couple of treats this week. One in the shape of a sign I walk past pretty much every week, which is disappointing for me, given the gentle abuse I occasionally lay on you lot!



I have spotted the state of the chap who cuts the keys in that little wagon though, and believe me when I say you don't want to know whether he's kinky or otherwise.

The other came from picturesque Carshalton:



It's that one we've all heard of, but never actually thought someone would put into practice. But there she is in all her glory for Lee and now you to behold. You lucky beggars.

TFI Punday 6 - #fishpop

Thank goodness I have TFI Punday and you lot to take my mind off the useless staff at a certain popular warehouse of carphones. "Just leave us your number and we'll let you know" " I can't, YOU HAVE MY RUDDY PHONE."

Sorry.

At least #fishpop wasn't useless. Far from. You bloody well loved it! So let's have a little looksee at what the catch of the day was:

Martine McGudgeon
Sharkira
Tina Tuna
Basshunter
N-Chubz
Wu Tang Clam
Squid Row
Everything But The Gill
B:Ream
Belle & Seabasstian
Elvers Presley
Kylie Minnow
Rudd Stewart
Mullet For My Valentine
Shrimple Minds
Culture Chub
Trout-here Brothers
Whelkie Brookes
Fleetwood Mackarel
The Carpenters
Sprat For Lashes
Plaice of Base
Late of The Pierhana
Hake That
Sushi and The Banshees
De La Sole
Morayssey
Public Anemone
Belugababes
Puddle of Rudd
Skate Bush
Kois II Men
Bay City Rollmops
Charlotte Perch

Now, I understand a lot of these aren't actually fish, per se. But it's all in the ballpark, isn't it! So its fine by me as long as a chuckle is raised. I nearly choked reading some of them, so that box is definitely checked.

Well done the lot of you.

Peeping policeman

Officer Pablo Casablancas has sent me a mass of puns this week as we realised that I hadn't been receiving them via text. I hope no-one else has been texting pictures to me to no reply, thinking me quite the tosspot. It's the 21st Century people.. Email does exist.



Don't worry, I've kicked off with the weakest just to warm you up. It's chillybubs out there! I should know, I was barefoot in Richmond Park this afternoon. Lack of forsight from myself there, perhaps.



I thought I'd been sent this one before, but it's just that I remembered walking past it on several occasions when up at London's South Bank. I haven't eaten there yet though. I'm only a newcomer to the whole concept of raw fish, so maybe I'll wait it out.



Yes pie minister! Hope the people at Twitter haven't seen this packaging though. The designer in me is saying "that looks just like the Twitter bird, and the swatch is awfully close to their blue!" And you can cock off calling me a nerd. I saw you queuing up at midnight for the new Call of Duty. Yes you, Mr Xbox 720 with the lights of death and all that.



Here's the real delight of the bunch. Just one little "n" has taken a regular pub notice and made it a piece of literary joy. Bravo White Lion. Bravo inndeed.

TFI Punday 5 - #kitchenfilms

Monday's punning was our most succesful one to date! Well, the most popular at least, but I'd call it a success. I certainly had a few belly laughs, and taht's quite an effort at the moment, as I've been doing more eating and less running of late, so the paunch is a little merrier than usual.

You may have not needed that picture.

To change the subject, lets talk #kitchenfilms! That was this weeks topic, and that's what you sent me in your droves. I'm not numbering these anymore, cause people seem to think it's a competition. And although some are obviously better than others, you're all winners in my one-dimensional book!

Here's the cream:

One Flew Over The Cooker's Nest
Grillers In The Mist
Monster Sink
The Italian Hob
The Goodt, The Bad & The Mugtree
Griddle Shop of Horrors
Plate Expectations
Pyrex of The Carribean
Oh Tupper, Ware Art Thou?
Teatowel Recall
The Grater Scape
To Kilner Mockingbird
Scooperman
Black Fork Down
The Hand That Rocks The Ladle
Wok The Line
The Breville Wears Prada
Dishclosure
My Best Friends Breadbin
Saturday Night Cleaver
Spatula Party
Full Kettle Jacket
Deathwhisk
Unitensil Soldier
Cruet Intentions
Collander Girls
Bram Stoker's Spatula
Captain Corelli's Mandoline
Sieve The Last Dance
Fantastic Mr Forks
Inglorious Basters
Oven Cowgirls Get The Blues
Fork ings
Breville Without a Cause
Indesit Proposal
Kindergarden Cup
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Flagon

Phew! You've done youselves proud! All I came up with was It's a Wonderful Knife, but I have been busy this week, for a change. So up yours! No, I don't mean that. Sorry.

A wee bonnet lad

At the pub the other day, Dr Dave proudly unzipped his top to reveal his most recent purchase from the Sunday Up Market, which the eagle eyed among you will realise is a pun in itself! Well, Dave and Eliza are quite the swanky pair, so it is not lost on them, don't you worry.



Just take a look at how much unbridled joy a fiver can buy you. And in these times of uncertainty and tabloid driven doom and gloom, who wouldn't like a slice of that emotion for such a cheap price?

Vin driving

Ladies and gents, we have ourselves a paradox here of potentially unintentional means. What's Steve found us?



Let's dissect. If they did intend the pun, then they're basically asking for you to go in and annoy them while purchasing your favourite tipple. But who wants that? If they didn't mean it, and you went in to wind them up, then they'd have to change the name to Don't Wine Me Up. But then it'd be like they don't actually want you to come in.. Oh the humanity!

All we are saying...

Oh how I've been searching for this one! And my good buddy Pete has done me justice and snapped it up for me, like the true gentleman he is:



Funny how it's a place that is based on chickpeas that uses it as a tagline, but I suppose a hummus shop needs all the help it can get.