The key to a Sussex-ful marriage

A couple of months ago Eleanor and I went to the wedding of her old friends Julie and Jim down in Worthing. I love a good wedding, and let me tell you.. this was a brilliant one. For starters, it was in a cinema! Not one of your soulless, sticky floored multiplexes, oh no. This was a lovely little place right on the seafront. There were kids with cheekfulls of popcorn flooding the place after the ceremony. It was magic.

Add to this the first dance being Metallica, the only beer on tap being Asahi, as well as there being more (great) food than you can shake a ruddy large stick at available at all times, then you've already got a cracking do.

Post "I do's", we all hung out on the balcony, supping on Pimms and overlooking the beautiful briney when there was a sudden "WHAT THE.....!?" mumur from a few of the guests. A peek over the balcony to the bus stop outside the venue cleared up what that was all about:



Julie's folks had organised for a pair of llamas to join in the days festivities, of course! What do you mean you hadn't guessed?

They were very well behaved too, considering they'd never been to a wedding before. There was no drunken dancing or trying to feel up one of the bridesmaids from them (Thankfully, cos Eleanor was a bridesmaid, and I think she quite liked white one). The worst behaviour from them was releasing a few little chocolate hostages on the beach. And that was quite cute, if anything.

We've another wedding to go to down on the south coast next year. No pressure Laurence.

Thread Lightly, Speak Dearly

Although I stress to everyone how important it is to get photographs of the puns they spot (I never want this to be a rehash of lists from other sites which several people have sent me before), but some you just can't take a photo of.

A good example of this is websites. Today's entry comes from Gary, who has been keeping up on his needlepoint and cross stitch enough to find this quaint corner of the internet:



Sew good.

Women Are From Venus, Pun Are From Ma's

Mums, eh? They brought you into this world, and they can take you out of it! Or at least, that's what the guests on Rikki Lake used to say. I'm pretty sure that's murder, but I wouldn't argue with them.

Today I present you with the first entry supplied by a Mum! The dear old mother of KT has sent in a hairdressers she spotted in Victoria while on a coach trip! How wonderful is that?



Superb. I wish my old dear had the ability to spot one, but she's too busy not drinking the endless cups of tea she makes my Dad get her, or daydreaming about Barry Manilow. I kid you not, I went home to visit last weekend and found a note to my brother from here which read:

"Jez,
can you feed the cat please,
I'm with Barry.
Love Mum, x"

WITH Barry!? Honestly Mum, you're bonkers. And Barry looks like someone's forced him face-first through a vacuum these days, the poor old sod.

He's still got it though.
"COULD IT BE MAGIC!?"

All's not lots

Right.. That's it. I've been more slack than Samuel Slack of Slackington Vale of late, so today I present to you a veritable smörgåsbord of delicacies from around the country.

First off, my valued co-founder of the world-famous 4pm Wispa and a Cuppa Club (join the revolution here), Pete. On a side note, I discovered only yesterday that the Wispa Gold has finally made a comeback. The glory days of confectionary have truly returned! Well done, Mr Cadburys.

Pete spotted this one while out jogging(!) along Hove seafront:



Quite rare that the shop name adequetly describes the pun aswell! I think the photo's a bit wonky because Pete was clicking his fingers and shouting "Shutterly Faaaaabulouth!" at the same time.

The Danny Barnes is from the same neck of the woods, but I'm not sure where he caught this one:



One for the Christians there! My dad's big on it, and we always used to get fish 'n' chips on a Friday from Cove's finest chippy. That was until my brother started going to Karate on a Friday evening, so we swapped it for Thursdays! The Disciples would be well narked at Mr Miyagi, but let's face it, he'd take all twelve of them out.

Next, a Newcastle van spotted by driver to the stars, Chris Kiely:



Good timing on that one, considering the half marathon is this weekend! This is not all coincidence, I assure you. Unfortunately another thing I can assure you of is that I quite often lose track of who's sent me what, so I have another contribution sans contibutor. Yes, I'm a horrific fraud and I can only apologise again. Here it is:



From now on I'm making serious notes. I've got one of those NEW Oxford notepads with the REALLY white paper. Have you seen those ads? No wonder kids are flying through their GCSEs these days with their fancy schmancy white pads. I had to scribble my notes on the neck of the poor lad sat infront of me.

He's a doctor now.
He doesn't have a witty blog on wordplay, though.

Tourists Syndrome

What it is, you muddas!

Sorry, I've been away in the Big Apple for the past week, and doing everything in ridiculous NYC/Joisey accents was par for the course. I'll try to keep it to a minimum during today's entry.

While I was away I had an inbox influx so there'll be a few updates over the next couple of days. Unfortunately I only collected a pair while I was away (weyoo), and one was a real stock answer, which I only saw at the departure lounge at JFK:



At least we can all cross it off the list now though, can't we?
The other one though (admittedly spotted by my co-tourist, Gin) is a belter:



The angry rabbit is a nice touch. He looks like he has the kind of surly Noo Yoik accent you'd expect from the driver of such a vehicle. So much so that I was fairly nimble in getting this pic. Especially as we were just round the corner from Ground Zero. Can't be too careful in this day and age folks, remember that.

------------------

And as I've been away for over a week without so much as a bird's fart of a pun for you, here's an update from our Brit abroad, Ben, who's got us another trio! Including this one on another wall from Honest Ed's, that purveyor of fine tat and Canuck wordplay:



Yes! Food puns are always good. Well, apart from when theyre a bit forced, like:



Ben writes "This one isn't as good, but I included it because after I took it, the owner came over to our van, interrupted our A&W hot dog lunch, to tell us (rather aggressively) that he had the name copyrighted. I told him about the site. but i think the words 'blog' and 'pun' had somehow eluded his already limited vocabulary." Well, anger spices this up nicely if you ask me, which you probably would've.

But finally, Ben steal the show, yet again with the first ever haberdasher on The Punning Man:



Das it right dere.

Fast feud

My good friend Rich Phoenix provides today's banquet of puns, and what a deep fried banquet it is! Four eateries of calori-filling proportions from all across the UK:



This could be another one of those unintentional gems. I'm sure it isn't, but how nice would it be if, after the sign is put up, the owners stand back to admire their new venture and then, that glorious moment where they just "get it". Bliss.



Onother chippy here, and another play on "Friar". Can't blame them for not being the first, but equally, you can't blame them fo going with it. Better than SUPERFISH, isn't it?



I love this one. When Rich told me about the ones he'd found this was the one that stood out and actually made me guffaw (yes, guffaw. No I haven't heard that since Blackadder either). Shame it wasn't open though. I hope this doesn't mean the worst for them!

And to finish, there's probably no better way to sign off: