The Bourne Puntrilogy

The south coast has come up trumps again! A good friend of mine, unfortunately named Flange celebrated his birthday in Bournemouth a couple of weeks ago, which I was sadly unable to attend, as I was sunning myself on a tropical island.

Luckily for me, and you, Sophie was a good enough pal to attend, and has snared the following trio of retirement town pics for us to digest:



I don't know whether the birthday troupe ventured inside the Oceanarium, but if they're good enough to try and tempt you in with a slice of wordplay, then it must be good in my eyes! I went to Siam Ocean World while this lot were wandering around Bournemouth, so maybe I was sending subconcious signals to them through time. Maybe?



A good pun this one, but I am a bit confused by the substitution of an apostrophe for an 'e'. It just makes it a bit more complicated (and slightly like they've employed a signwriter with tourettes, not helped by the capital 'D', either), but we all get it, right? Good.



Now, I almost left out the final one. There's a distinct attempt at a shot st celebrity from three no-hopers here, but as one of them is the birthday boy (no, I won't tell you which), I'm going to let it slide JUST THIS ONCE. Be warned.. If you try and sneak yourself into a photo it will be disregarded, or you might be chopped right out, ÇA VA!?

Glad we got that all straightened out. On with the merriment!

I Can't Believe It's Not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter

...can you?



Thanks again to Lucy!

Thai Can Only Apologise

Oh my dearest readers, have I not just been the worst of father-figures? Leaving you out in this wretched cold to shivver away, with not a sniff of a post for weeks! Apologies just seem pathetic. Mainly because I swanned off to the delicious climates of Thailand, and found precisely 0:00 minutes to update you or to even find a Thai pun (which are unsurprisingly skimpier than a Chinese desert menu).

A bucketload of sorrys for you all, and by way of some kind of offering, my good friend, Constable Munns has bailed me out with a trio of belters which might just begin to quench your thirst. Two of which spice up the old "Which kind of company puns the most?" debate, as you'll no-doubt spot:



The first, Ian suggest as "poor", which might be a bit brash, but we've certainly seen better, eh?



This one is much better! If only because it's so beautifully subtle that people probably won't even spot it! I suppose there's the chance some may be confused as to whether the store is actually closing down, too. Maybe it's a spelling error! No, surely? The people of Reading aren't that daft.



..and finally. And WHAT a finally. Su Pollard must get free do's at this place in Mitcham, but I suppose at least she doesn't have too much to work with.

'Til next time campers!
(Which I promise will be sooner!)

D.I.S.C.OH MY!

If you're in the area this evening, the best pub in Surbiton, The Lamb, is having a bit of a 70s and 80s evening ih their marquee out in the back garden.

The reason Im advertising this event is because they've given it a quite terrific name. Brace yourselves. It's called:

Now is The Winter of our Disco Tent!

Find out more about it on Facebook HERE

Umming and Coiffeurring

My old friend Chas, who resides in Paris these days, has found me a Coiffeur Français to prove once more that the humble hairtdresser is the tour de force in the punning shop world:



Trés bien, mon amis!

You beauty!

It was my dear Mother's birthday this weekend, so I went home to join in the celebrations. As it was my ex-Uncles (I'll let you try and work that one out) birthday the same weekend, we had pretty much the entire clan round for platters and belly laughs.

Oh the joy at my dad regailing his story of being robbed by prostitutes on La Rambla, and dear old mum comparing the sizes of me and my brother's "cheruby bits" at birth. Delightful. Happy Birthday Lolls!

Anyway, in the bathroom, while sighing at the sad decline of said bits, I spotted a small pot of some sort of acti-pentapeptide-alorum cream or something on the counter. I was delighted that even the beauty industry has gotten in on the act:



Which reminds me of a range I spotted in a kitch little shop in Teddington last week, that was very nice:



I think the shop assistant thought I was trying to nick stuff as I sneakily whipped my phone out to snap a shot. Dont know why though.. My skin's as precious as the day the old girl popped me out, I tell you.

Tears For Cheers

Well, I have to say, never before have I received an email threatening to cry actual tears because I had yet to put up a submission! But all that changed yesterday, oh my did it.

However, I'm not the kind of guy who'll pander to that kind of emotional blackmail! Heck no! And nor would I be so disgraceful as to out said blackmailer. That's just not my style.

Anyway, onto todays submission from ROSIE "IT WASN'T I WHO THREATENED TO CRY" MARTIN. Rosie, has found me an absolute belter from Battersea:



Gawd bless her.

Now don't go thinking I'm going to give in to all your weeping, you lot. I'm made of sterner stuff than that. Probably.

Star Gnaws

After a bit of a hiatus, that Canuckabee Ben emailed me recently with a beauty from his childhood. Let's have him explain his find himself:

"I was just throwing away 30 years worth of hoarding various forms of media (10kg of CDRs/DVDRs, a stack of minidiscs, remember those? every sci-fi movie ever, recorded off TV onto VHS and a pile of magazines from back when NME looked like a newspaper and Paula Yates was an FHM pin up girl) and I came across the Return of the Jedi Christmas Annual. I threw it out of course, but not before I scanned in this little gem."


(Check out the bottom box)

"I myself owned the Ewoks toothbrush in 1984, and then managed to find the Luke Skywalker version, in a dusty East London Pharmacy, almost ten years later."

Terrific stuff. It just goes to show this punnery lark isn't all modern day rubbish and chip shops!

Snow Joke!

It's ruddy snowing!! That's exciting isn't it? Unless you live in Basingstoke and you're stuck on a roundabout or something like that. Or self employed. Like I am.

NEVER MIND! Let's have fun!

If you're off of work or school or just generally mucking about it the white stuff tomorrow, then make me some sort of snow-based punnery and take a picture! Maybe you could build a John Barrsnowman, or get your testicicles out! Actually, don't do that.

Send your pictures to sean@thepunningman.com and I'll post the best ones up once we're all clear and the nation's grit supply finally shows up.

Happy New Decade!

Blimey it really is the future! I can use an Oyster Card in Surbiton now and everything!

Apologies for the admittedly cold shoulder of the past month or so, but I've been living up the festivce season with family and friends, as I'm sure all of you have too. I sincerely hope you had a lovely time of it. I certainly did!

But now, back to business, and with a new decade comes resolutions and promises, new ideas and indeed the culling of old ones. I'm sure you've noticed there's been a lack of TFI Punday over the last few weeks. I think that had come to a natural hault though, and given my current employment status it's been on the backburner, shall we say.

But I am still here! And I am every thirsty for your submissions, ideas, input and love. And so to kick off 20X, I'll give you a nice bumper lot of entries to warm your cockles on this frightfully chilly afternoon.

Firstly, a trio from Lucy:





Both of these beauties are in Poole, proving yet again that the south coast is a hive of wordplay. I don't want to start some soret of north/south war or anything, but I think it might spice up the hunt a bit if I did, so COME ON YOU NORTHERN MONKEYS!

I don't mean it. That could cause..



Double-pun alert! That puts Pass The Pigs to shame!

While doing a spot of Christmas shopping, I found some punnery myself! Surbiton's charity shops came up trumps on a couple of occasions:





And in the window of (the sadly no longer with us) Borders in Kingston town was this delightful poster:



And lastly, a return to form for the humble fish joint from Luke:



Thanks to everyone who has read, submitted, joined in on TFI Punday or joked along with me throughout last year. Now let's get 2010 going stronger, and keep an eye out for exciting things in the pipeline too!

Ooh, cryptic.