NY excuse

Ben, our man in Canada has been away in New York this week on a Stateside pun-finding mission!

He reports: "I thought I could come and visit some friends as well to justify the trip. I was looking up aquarium shops on Google, because the guy I'm staying with was considering getting some kind of amphibian.. and I came across a place called Afishionado! Struck gold! Sadly, the store closed down five years ago."

I know it's gone, but I couldn't let that one slide. It's just too good.
He did find this Buffalo chicken wing joint though, just north of Bleecker Street:



I'm totally visiting that one when I'm over there in September! Looking forward to that.

Ben's also been snacking on these to keep his energy up:



I have to say, I'm worried though. His last email to me ended "This is becoming an obsession. It's kind of winding me up. So if i ever stop sending you stuff, consider me cured/it a good thing."

No deal Ben. No deal.

Weather you like it or not

Dear friends! It's been too long. I do apologise for my absence over the weekend, but with the combination of exotic weather and celebrating my impending birthday (tomorrow, for those wanting to know when to bring the presents round), I've had little time to write things up!

Not for lack of meat though, nosireebob.

First off, that man Jed has Google Streetviewed me one for the grey-mattered cyclists among you (I'm looking at you, Dr Thirde!). Should you ever have some bike problems that just need getting off your chest, then where better to take them, than here?:



Do excuse the regrettable cropping. The Google Car obviously had a mild fit at the point of taking that particular photograph. Some people have no foresight, do they? It's in Oxford, by the by.

Next up, Gary has caught me one that I walk past all the time. It does upset me when people see things that I really should have. But that's why I have you all I suppose! This sign was in the door of a quaint little Italian Café in Kingston:



Grazie, Signor Gary.

Iron to the friiiiiiiiiiills

Well done to Mildred for getting me a pic of this place only minutes from my own door! How I've never spotted myself I don't know. Someone else told me about it last week, but they didn't get me a photo, so SHAME ON THEM.

Behold:



Who really uses a "professional ironing service" though..? Really..? I know we have busy lifestyles these days, and yes, it is a brilliant name (I think it migth be another case of the "there's no way we can't start this company"), but good grief.

I don't iron anything, and I look bloody terrific.

Classic Corner

It's time, once more for a classic clip of bonafide pun gold. This time it come's from those cheeky Carry On chaps. Now I'm guilty of dismissing these films all too often, but my aged pal Douggles reminded me of this gem from Carry On Cleo the other day.



You have to give it to old Kenneth (ooh, I say!) - That's perfect delivery.

Correct punctu-Asian

I'm surprised it's taken almost three whole months for a Wok pun to get sent in, but finally here we are, thanks to Sam:



The pedant in me wants to say "Where's the question mark?", but a swift kick in the jacobs usually sorts him out. The pansy.

A little 'me' time

It's hard keeping up with the Jonses when they're sending you plenty of good stuff. But I do endeavor to try, and so I bring you a trilogy of puns I've recently found all on my tod.



First off, from this week's Kingston Informer, we have a story about the 500th anniversary of King Henry VIII's accension to the throne. To celebrate, they got a lookalike to row down The Thames. Guess the ball's in the tabloid's court now (see, I'm still keeping this up-to-date schtick going).



Next up is William Hill's new window display at their Leatherhead branch. Granted, it's not a particularly strong one, but beggars can't be choosers, and I'm constantly demanding of you.

But lastly:



Oh yeah.. Sherlock Bones: Undercover dog! "The World's first talking police dog on a mission im-paws-ible." And only one measley quid!! I didn't buy it, but come on, that's value! I paid double that for Last Action Hero, which was on the same shelf, and that hasn't got one pun it it!

Does have The Governator though, I suppose.

Ya wheel, ya wheel, YA WHEEL!

My Scouse co-worker Alex was so excited about this tyre company he spotted in Liverpool over the weekend, that he text me to tell me that he would email me, even though his pic was a bit ropey as he was driving a car at the time. I can understand his excitement though:



Hope he has a Father Jack in that van! Alex scouted me a picture of a sign too, so we can get a better look. Good on him.



"More MOT father?"

This one bombed

The execs at whichever toy company came up with this little beauty might want to rethink the name.



Granted, it's a pun, but I can't help but feel that syllables number two and three may be misconstrued given "the state of the world today" as my Nan puts it. Especially with the unfortunately phallic shape of the bloody thing.

Thanks to Ryan for this.

Oh, chef off

A real favourite thing of mine is when a pun is used in a good, old-fashioned put-down.

On one of his many tremendous River Cottage programs this week, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall delivered a killer blow to fellow celebrity chef, Mark Hix. They we're competing to try and catch more fish than the other, which they were going to sell at a beach party later in the afternoon. Hugh had caught a few, but Mark had none. And being the good sport that he was, Hugh called Mark up to gloat. During the conversation he caught another fish and promptly hung up the phone, telling Mark that "I'm going to have to go, I've got someone on the other line."

High calibre dissing there. The only thing that Mark had going for him in the end was that he was wearing this tshirt:



They're available from Meat and Cheese if you want one. I know my brother does!

Eggcess supplies

I'm pretty happy to report that I've a bit of a backlog at the moment! No, not that kind you dirty herbert. Why would I be happy about that? I'd just pop some more bran in my diet.

No! I've had a fair few submissions over the last few days, and not a lot of time to write about them, as I was busy celebrating the lovely Eleanor's birthday. We went strawberry picking. Thanks for asking. No fruit-based puns to be found though, I'm sad to report.

My long-time ginger friend Dunk has picked me up a couple though. And you'll be able to spot just how long I've been waiting to put this first one up when you see the story it's written about.



Ok, so it's today's fish 'n' chips wrapping, and yes, it's an egg pun (Show me someone who's never heard an egg pun and I'll show you a liar. James Martin makes at least 27 every Saturday morning), but I like to keep things topical up in here. There's a cheeky little one in the photo caption if you take a closer look too.

In addition to this, on the most recent Have I Got News For You, they did a spot on this story. Lee Mack showed a clip from the BBC News on it and said "Listen out for the unintentional pun." I'm not sure myself how unintentional it was when the reporter said that our own English Adolf had to be whisked away from the scene.

On a more cheery, un-racist note, Dunk's also got me another boating pun! Taken at Brixham in Devon, it belongs to a cooler brand of boater than the ones I've previously spoken about. Or at least, they certainly think so, given the fact they've smacked BAD BUOYS over the front of theirs.



I bet Martin Lawrence and Will Smith would take these clowns down, yo.