TFI Punday

Good morning on this cold and foggy Winter's day. As an early Christmas treat (and I do mean early. It's still November, put the mince pies away love) I'm creaking open the door to TFI Punday!

My young, handsome friend Ben has recently invited his Facebook pals to a game, whereby his wall has been filled with puns galore. The aim, to make a person's name out of a phrase.

Some of the best so far being:

Paddy O'Doors
Gillian Icecream
Jim Membership
Emerson Messenger
Pierre Pressure

You get the drift, yeah? So let's have some fun with this one today! May I suggest if youre playing on Twitter we use the tag #phrasenames.

OK, go!

TFI Punday Comp Results

A sincere thank you to all of you who provided entries for last Monday's #TFIPunday. I'm not sure if the increased activity and constantly lit "new mail" icon on my desktop was to do with the offer of reward rather than just for good old fashioned fun this time, but I was pleased nonetheless!

I asked for you to come up with some suitably red-top headlines for a pair of stories from the BBC News site. The first, a report on how every peeping Tom's favourite new tool, Google Street View, has recently delved into the Antarctic, providing a detailed look at lots of snow.

The second, a sad tale about a vineyard in rural France had been robbed of all it's Cabernet Sauvignon grapes.

And so, I offer you up the winners, and some very closely placed runner's up who deserve your applause, if not a crummy tshirt and tote bag.

For the Google story, I chose Jed's ode to everyone's favourite chocolate biscuit:

C-C-C-CLICK ON A PENGUIN!

But a pair of others I particularly enjoyed were

Google Cars In Pole Position (Matt, Kingston)
Google on Adelie Diet (Lars, US)

And for the wine story, a headline worthy of gracing any front page:

FROGS LEG IT WITH WHITE WINE SOURCE

An delicious piece of summing up from Simon there, I'm sure you'll agree. Matt was VERY close in stealing the prize with his effort below, but this one tickled me just slightly more.

Grape & Pillage (Matt, Kingston)
Cabernet SauvignYOINK! (Gaz, Bristol)
Another Vine Mess you've got us into (Gary, US)
Detectives Draw a Blanc in Wine Case (Gary, US)

Thanks to everyone who bothered to enter again. I hope it brightened up your Monday as much as it did mine. I'll be looking to do more in the near future. Simon and Jed, I'll email you personally to sort out your prizes!

And just for fun today, shall we do one of the old school TFI Punday's? Yeah! Why not. We're all friends here. How about...

Nice Films (or #nicefilms for the tweeters among you)

Like, making film titles just a bit... nicer. That would be lovely, wouldn't it? Y'know, like:

Lock Stock And Two Stroking Flannels
28 Days Lighter
The Goodfather

Hooray! Let's do this.

TFI Punday 9 - #BritshCelebs

After a week's break TFI Punday made a welcome return on Monday.

The topic was #BritishCelebs. A double edged sword in that any Twitter trending may have merely dissolved into children discussing their favourite X Factor reject, while others may have gone down the always hazardous racism route.

Thankfully neither of those reared their ugly head, and we were left with a select few delivering slices of fried gold. Let's see what we got:

Lethal Drizzle
Waterlooie Walsh
Pub Daddy
Emma Bunting
Fête Winslet
Raffle Benitez
Bingo Star
Gerard Butlins
Co-oprah Winfrey
Morris Day
Mr Tea
Warren BT Tower
Harrods Shipman
Cloudier Winkleman
Keanu Jeeves
Peter O'2
Enid Blighty
NHSther Rantzen
Monarchy Lewinski
Dustbin Hoffman
Sir Alan Sugarpuffs
Billy Colony
Rugby Wax
Landofhopeandgloria Hunniford
Laurence Datallyho!
Picalilli Allen
Sean Bea n' Q
Ryvita Hayworth
Curry Grant
Peter Stilton
David Cockney
Alesha Dixons
Darts Garfunkle
Roast MacGowan
Steve TheQueen

Tremendous work all round! All I come up with was Dinnerlady Gaga.

Must try harder.

TFI Punday 8 - #ClothingSongs

I have a miniature dilemma. Next Monday I will be coming down from the high of spending three days at Butlins going beserk and watching several fantastic bands at a very high volume. I will try and sort out TFI Punday from the magic of my phone, but I am not making any promises.

I was considering winding down with it anyway. I don't want it to be the one reason anyone visits my small corner of the internet, but on the other hand I love the twinkling joy it's brought to so many people. We'll see how we go.

But this week was another stong one. #ClothingSongs provided some absolute beauties. Here's the pick of your fruitful bunch:

Immigrant Thong
Simply The Vest
Glove in an Elevator
Jumper Round
Shoes That Girl?
What I Go Cagoule For
Y-Frontin'
Sleeping With The Tights On
Blouse of Glory
We Will Frock You
Billie Jeans
I Would Do Anything For Love (Bowtie Won't Do That)
Everybody Skirts
Kings of The Y-Frontier
Window Slipper
Hard To Sandle
Scarf a World Away
Mitten on The Dock of a Bay
Smalls Like Teen Spirit
Parkalife
Gown Sugar
Burqas of You
Hat's Entertainment
High Heels! Silver Lining
Beenieround The World
Flares Your Head At?
Video Kilt The Radio Star
Everbo Tshirts
Sari Seems To Be The Hardest Word
Waders My Heart Feel So Bad?
When You Wish Apron a Star
Teenage Kecks
Barbour Black Sheep
Give Fleece a Chance
We Will Frock You
I Want Tutu Love Me
Trilby Comin' Round The Mountain
Nothin But a G String
Boob Tubular Bells
Pinny Lane
Tabard Days Night
Hey Big Suspenders
Wuthering Tights

Et moi:

Britches Aint Shit
Socks On Fire
Hoody You Think You Are?
Of Corset Fell Apart
Bowtie And The Beast

See you next week, perhaps.
Do keep reading and submitting though, eh?

TFI Punday 7 - #animalgames

Sorry sorry sorry! I've been busy than a very busy bee who's fighting some sort of honey recession lately, so the peak of TFI Punday's lot has been left til the bloomin' Wednesday to surface!

But, better late than never, here's what was upended during a very productive Mondayod #animalgames, if only in gag terms:

Geese Who?
The Weakest Lynx
Connect Boar
Crabble
Giraughts
Cluedoe
Hide n Sheep
Follow My Lemur
Name That Tuna
Vole in The Wall
Monopony
Tic Tac Toad
Pigtionary
Otteration!
Carplunk
Batgammon
Terrapin Bowling
Newts & Crosses
Marbulls
Mortal Wombat
Truth or Bear
Who Wallaby a Millionaire?
Salmon Says
Roebuck's Cube
Grand Theft Otter
Duck in The Mud
Pop-up Primate
Leopardy!
Supermarket Sheep
Downfoal
Duck Billiard Platypus

And all I could scrape from the practically whittled barrel:

Charaadvarks
Dove Ha'penny
Kangaruno
Lacrostich
The Yes/Gnu Game
World of Hawkraft

More sleepless nights next week!

TFI Punday 6 - #fishpop

Thank goodness I have TFI Punday and you lot to take my mind off the useless staff at a certain popular warehouse of carphones. "Just leave us your number and we'll let you know" " I can't, YOU HAVE MY RUDDY PHONE."

Sorry.

At least #fishpop wasn't useless. Far from. You bloody well loved it! So let's have a little looksee at what the catch of the day was:

Martine McGudgeon
Sharkira
Tina Tuna
Basshunter
N-Chubz
Wu Tang Clam
Squid Row
Everything But The Gill
B:Ream
Belle & Seabasstian
Elvers Presley
Kylie Minnow
Rudd Stewart
Mullet For My Valentine
Shrimple Minds
Culture Chub
Trout-here Brothers
Whelkie Brookes
Fleetwood Mackarel
The Carpenters
Sprat For Lashes
Plaice of Base
Late of The Pierhana
Hake That
Sushi and The Banshees
De La Sole
Morayssey
Public Anemone
Belugababes
Puddle of Rudd
Skate Bush
Kois II Men
Bay City Rollmops
Charlotte Perch

Now, I understand a lot of these aren't actually fish, per se. But it's all in the ballpark, isn't it! So its fine by me as long as a chuckle is raised. I nearly choked reading some of them, so that box is definitely checked.

Well done the lot of you.

TFI Punday 5 - #kitchenfilms

Monday's punning was our most succesful one to date! Well, the most popular at least, but I'd call it a success. I certainly had a few belly laughs, and taht's quite an effort at the moment, as I've been doing more eating and less running of late, so the paunch is a little merrier than usual.

You may have not needed that picture.

To change the subject, lets talk #kitchenfilms! That was this weeks topic, and that's what you sent me in your droves. I'm not numbering these anymore, cause people seem to think it's a competition. And although some are obviously better than others, you're all winners in my one-dimensional book!

Here's the cream:

One Flew Over The Cooker's Nest
Grillers In The Mist
Monster Sink
The Italian Hob
The Goodt, The Bad & The Mugtree
Griddle Shop of Horrors
Plate Expectations
Pyrex of The Carribean
Oh Tupper, Ware Art Thou?
Teatowel Recall
The Grater Scape
To Kilner Mockingbird
Scooperman
Black Fork Down
The Hand That Rocks The Ladle
Wok The Line
The Breville Wears Prada
Dishclosure
My Best Friends Breadbin
Saturday Night Cleaver
Spatula Party
Full Kettle Jacket
Deathwhisk
Unitensil Soldier
Cruet Intentions
Collander Girls
Bram Stoker's Spatula
Captain Corelli's Mandoline
Sieve The Last Dance
Fantastic Mr Forks
Inglorious Basters
Oven Cowgirls Get The Blues
Fork ings
Breville Without a Cause
Indesit Proposal
Kindergarden Cup
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Flagon

Phew! You've done youselves proud! All I came up with was It's a Wonderful Knife, but I have been busy this week, for a change. So up yours! No, I don't mean that. Sorry.

#ShopHorror

Shop shop horror horror, shop shop horror!
Wow, Space weren't very good, were they? I'm sure I used to like that album.

More important business to attend to than reminiscing about mediocre Liverpudlian indie outfits though, my friends. Yes, TFI Punday reared it's ugly head once more to brighten up the post Halloween weekend blues with a good old game of #shophorror.

So, how did you do?

[20] Harvey Nicghouls
[19] BOO!ts
[18] Hellfridges
[17] Costa Coffin
[16] Nightmarican Apparel
[15] Carphone Scarehouse
[14] Spooksavers
[13] Diemark
[12] Deadenhams
[11] Ikillya
[10] Screaman Hardy Willis
[09] Motherscare
[08] Howlfords
[07] Horrorthy Perkins
[06] Marks & Spectres
[05] Disembody Shop
[04] Soul Trader
[03] Abezombie And Witch
[02] I Know What You Did Last Somerfields
[01] Lidle Shop of Horrors

Not as much activity as previous week. Though I suspect the new layout of Facebook which is making everyone cry like little tiny babies with scraped knees may be something to do with that. We'll see.

I could only come up with a couple worth typing, to be honest:

Wolfworths
Slaughterstones
Jane Slasher

Good grief. Let's just get back to you lot sending me photos, yeah?

TFI Punday 4: The Dream Master

BOO!

Did I get you? No, probably not. But at least your attention has been suitably grabbed so that you can join in once again with everyone's favourite gag-based day at the office.

Yes, TFI Punday returns this week with a festive theme! I realise All Hallow's Eve has been and gone, but I couldn't let it pass without giving you lot the opportunity to tip your punning hats to it! And so, I present you with TFI Punday 4:

#shophorror

Everday shops and supermarkets crossed horrifically with scary bits n bobs. So, for example:

AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGG!os
Shriekaway
Sainsbury your dead

So fly, my pretties. Scare me and tickle me in here, on Facebook and Twitter (tagged with #shophorror). Muahahahahaha!

#BoringTV

So the results are in. I did deliberatly try t make it a bit tougher this week, and I think it showed as there was a lot less activity than the previous couple. I'm sorry if it wasn't as enjoyable as previous Mondays, but this is all an experiment, eh? I hope it won't put you off joining in next week.

So! Boring TV, what did you come up with?

[20] Nothing For The Weekend
[19] Neighboreds
[18] Outslumbered
[17] UK Boredom Force
[16] ZZZZzzzzzzzz Cars
[15] Two And a Half Meh
[14] Bland of Brothers
[13] Snoozeround
[12] WWE: Mundane Night Raw
[11] Supermarket Sleep
[10] Friday Night With Johnathan Dross
[09] Question Tame
[08] Strictly Glum Dancing
[07] Indiff'rent Strokes
[06] Bland Designs
[05] Emmerdull
[04] Dreerie Indiana
[03] Beigewatch
[02] Whose Line is it Ennui?
[01] I Own Britain's Best Gnome

That last one is terrific. And, yes! I kept it down to 20 this week. Hooray for me!
Well, I say hooray for me, but this is what I came up with:

Beige Anatomy
Dull or No Dull
Frowned Force

Not much to shout about there, but in my defence, I'm still giggling like a schoolgirl about that Gnome one.

TFI Punday 3: Return of The King

Do you know, these weeks are flying round at the moment. And this one's been a whole hour longer than the last one! (I hope you remembered to put your clocks back, otherwise you're going to be at work early!).

I'm starting to (dare I say it) look forward to Mondays!

Ugh, enough of that. Let's get on with the job at hand. You should know the drill by now! TFI Punday is a 24 hour game of creating puns to a subject in order to make Mondays more tolerable.

This week's subject is:

#BoringTV

Now, it;s worth pointing out here that I don't want you to just list television programmes that you find boring. I once saw BoringBands trend on Twitter, and it was just a load of kids writing "U2! COLDPLAY! LOL! They izz duuuuulll!" and the like. Please don't get lured into that trap, no matter how tempting it may be or how much of an abomination X Factor is.

Here's a couple of examples to set you off:

Last of The Summer Whine
This Yawning

So, as always, tag your Twitter posts with #BoringTV or join us on Facebook, and let's have some ruddy fun, yeah?

#MovieTowns

Well, I hope you lot can keep this up, cos there's gonna be more, believe me.

Yesterday saw the return of the new start-of-the-week-turn-that-frown-upside-down-athon that I've taken upon myself to curate in the hope of making Mondays that little bit brighter. Last night my pal Dave said it might have the opposite effect, in that he's afraid of being given the heave-ho should he be caught either giggling furiously, or staring at a wall, driving around his thoughts for a town that rhymes with "-minator."

I'm sticking strictly to a top 20 from now on. No, wait.. ok, 30.
Let's see what you came up with:

[30] No Country For Oldham
[29] The Eagle Has Llandudno
[28] The Lyon, The Witch And The Wardrobe
[27] Ace Fuerta Ventura
[26] Jason And The Praganouts
[25] Fromeward Bound
[24] Kevin And Paris Go Large (French pronunciation!)
[23] Stockholm Alone
[22] Basing Stoker's Dracula
[21] The Good, The Band And The Rugby
[20] Oh Brother, Where Art Slough?
[19] Planes, Staines And Automobiles
[18] The Dehliphant Man
[17] So I Married An Ajax Murderer
[16] Ottawa Lovely War
[15] Lille Shop of Horrors
[14] 10 Things I Hate About Crewe
[13] Fleet of the Navigator
[12] How To Lewes a Guy in 10 Days
[11] Goole Runnings
[10] Munsters Inc.
[09] Miamélie
[08] What's Eton Guilbert Grape?
[07] Con Ayr
[06] Beijingle All The Way
[05] Johannamontanasberg
[04] Look Who's Dorking
[03] Silent Widnes
[02] Batterseas Not Included
[01] Last Acton Hero

Bloody excellent work yet again. The end of year compendium is going to be bumper!

My efforts were few and far between, cos I was actually pretty busy yesterday, but I can't let you keep upstaging me like this, or I'm going to look quite the plonker:

Ashby-de-la-Zouchlander
Rye Am Legend
Johnny Come Yately
The Windsor the Dove
Morley And Me
Olney The Lonely
Thank You For Woking

Thanks again!

TFI Punday 2: Pun Harder

Happy Monday my delicious entourage!

You look smashing today. Well done you. I can tell you're fired up and ready to take on the world this week, and all credit to you for doing so. And to spark up that Monday morning, and more importantly to end that constant lip licking (they'll chap!), I welcome you all to the second ever TFI Punday!

After last week's roaring success and brightening up the start to your week, we're back with another game to cheer the nations(s). So let's go!

Today's topic is: #MovieTowns

By the way.. anyone wondering why there's a hash symbol infront of these, it's a Twitter thing. If you are a non-Tweeter I can only apologise, and assure you its not my fingers having a spasm and accidently presing Shift + 3 over and over.

Back to the game! Yes, #MovieTowns - so towns and cities of England (and the world!) crossed beautifully with the names of blockbusters and indie flicks alike. For example:

I Norwich You Did Last Summer
Laberystwynth
Doverfield

You get the picture! Get going! As last week, you can leave your suggestions here, on the Facebook group or tagged with #MovieTowns on Twitter.

Catch you on the flipside.

The results are in!

Thank you several times over to thos of you who took part in the first ever TFI Punday! It was a roaring success and I was told that it increased Monday morning cheeriness by 68%! The highest rise since records began, which admittedly was on Monday but YES!

Here, condensed neatly for you in reverse order is my Top 26 #CelebrityFood puns we were able to collect during our inaugral day. It would've been a Top 10, but the standard was very high.

[26] Yoko Oxo
[25] Tet Li
[24] Joe Calzone
[23] Shallot Church
[22] Orangina G
[21] Steve Lambshanq
[20] Saled Jones
[19] Avril Tagine
[18] Eric Bisto
[17] Okra Winfrey
[16] Robert Downey Tuna
[15] Sir Anchovi Hopkins
[14] Notorious BLT
[13] Casseroald Dahl
[12] Damon AllBran
[11] Pavarosti
[10] Kris Moussakabusi
[09] Dylan Meringue
[08] Lily Alpen
[07] Peter Entrée
[06] Celine Dijon
[05] Christina Spagbolera
[04] Danny DoRito
[03] Jean Claude Canned Ham
[02] Pjörk
[01] LasEnya

Yup, I stated it early on, but I'm not sure anyone topped my pal Flange's Lasenya. Though I dont fancy a layered dish of warpling Irish songbird for tea tonight, thanks very much. Also, a special mention to Leigh who came up with about 30% of that list. Absolutely tremendous work, son!

The best I mustard (yeah, that was on purpose):

Andrew WKD Blue
Tiramisu Pollard
Brieanna
Steve Battenburg
Ally McCoys

Can't wait til next week!