On the seabed

Ryan, former landlord of my former local, has been out and about in Southsea again. It seems the south coast has quite a few minions capturingdelights for me. I should befriend some more northerners. I know they like a pun up there.

Let's see what Trigger's snared:



Now here's an interesting one. Is it a bizarre misspelling, or do they really have an old chap, dressed in brown robes loosely held together with rope behind the till? He may look out of plaice, by by golly he can batter a skate like no other.



But this one is just a plain and simple beauty. I just hope all the staff don't take the name to heart otherwise buying a bed from there is going to be a very stressful experience. And no-one likes stress in that particular room of the house.

A battle of twits

A new Twitter game popped up this afternoon. It's trending at the moment, so you can still join in if you're quick, you lucky things.

It's tagged #verydullbands - but unfortunately a lot of people seem to think it's just an excuse to list the bands they don't like. As if that's not dull! Oh, the ironing.

I first spotted it when Dave Gorman posted these:

Zzzzz Topp
Carter The Upstoppable Fax Machine
Scouting For Gulls

A great trio that, but he's popssibly been topped by the general public on this one:

Accounting Crows
Björed
Stone Dozes / Drone Roses
Trad Manners
Pop Will Seat Itself
Yawnershop
Jamiroquaint
Lily Sullen
Arcade Dire
Dros
Abbacus
Armchair Van Helden
Megadebt
Echo & The Bitumen
Shed Zepplin
Vampire Weekday
Sex Pastels
The Mild Ones

I think my favourites have to be Snooker Pimps and Depeche Modem, though. They're just terrific. I'm afraid I can't claim anything quite as good for my own, but here's what I attempted:

Dull Historical Society
Dave Matthews Bland
Mute
Beige Against The Machine
Facebook Status Quo
Jimmy Horlix

Let me know yours!

Fasten your seatbelts

There's a minature power struggle going on over today's entry. Aaron sent me this one, collected at Carter's Steam Fair on Facebook, which immediately riled up Milly, who claims she spotted it first. Milly seems to be getting in a few fights over submissions. It's that kind of tenacity I'm after from you people.



Hand it to Aaron though.. That's a lovely action shot. He told me it took him a fair few attempts to get it too. Such is the high speed drama of the Chair-o-plane.

Clocks, locks and two joking barrels

I do get a few repeat offenders on here. It's a great feeling when my inbox receives a mail from someone it recognises. And this week Gareth has trawled Southsea once more and come up with another two wriglers.



A fairly "gentle" one this, but that's kind of what's nice about it. As I always say, I like to think about the thought process behind these. Here I see a little old doddering chap who fixed watched his whole life through Coke bottle spectacles, having an honest little chuckle as he puts the sign up. It's heartwarming.



This little one, on the other hand is someone who thinks it's a banger, but has gone a bit overboard on semantics. I mean, a really good pun shouldn't require brackets, should it? We all get the gag love, and no-one thinks you own a shop wich sells air. The recession hasn't hit us that hard just yet!

Curry On Dog Tor

Well, I've asked and you lot have answered in your droves. It's fair to say I have a minature backlog of stuff now. That's not to say I don't want more! Don't think you're getting off that easily. But do know, it is appreciated.

Future Mayor of Kingston, JT has stopped off on his nightowl adventures of the region to photograph this bizarre kebab shop tribute to the worlds of computing and metal.



I adore the little touches to the descenders on the M and the E here, to show Dave Mustaine just home much he means to the shish presarios. Killing is their business, after all.

Jed's been at it again too! He's been shopping to fix some canine trasportation issues, and I think he's hit up on something suitable here:



Looks like it's in the sale too! Barkgain.

And finally, James clicked this one, which I really hope isn't unintentional, though you may see why I think it could be. The old chap driving who's giving James the "What you doing with that bloomin camerabob?" look doesn't look like much of a kidder to me. Bet those tours are a barrel of laughs!



Thanks to all of you, you sweethearts.

Mark of respect

It's encouraging to know that in spite of his clouded demise, the people in charge of The Mark Speight Art Foundation can still have a little laugh.



I can't help but find that photo a little eerie, though.
Thanks to Murta for this!

Bright van man

I like a mobile pun. There's more of a chance of missing it, and so it feels that much more of a treat when someone claims it. This week I've had two such beauties.

The first is from my South Coast spotter, Gareth. I have to confess, I'd heard rumours of this floating about and I looked high and low on Streetview, to no avail.. So I'm extatic that he's snared it for me!



Ah, yes. Double the punnage here. Twice the gold. Thanks so much Gareth! Hope you can keep up the high standard you've set yourself!

Del's found me the other one. Interesting that a fellow New Slang member has found essential the same pun that New Slang's glamorous door doris Milly spotted me just a couple of weeks ago:



Now, there's an interesting contrast between the shop Milly spotted in Kingston and this. Iron Maiden on it's own is obviously a better name, but this lot (from Dundee) have gone to the effort of getting the logo right, to their credit.

So do keep an eye out for vehicular puns won't you. But be safe while driving! I don't want Claims Direct knocking on my door, right?

I'll end this on a driving gag that Dr Thirde sent me yesterday:

Don't go near alcohol while doing calculus.
You should never drink and derive.

Trust a doctor to send me that.

Training your mind

The thing I like most about this whole debacle is that I may have changed peoples lives. Not in a 'religious experience' kind of a way, but in that people can't help but scan around, constantly subconciously seeking out puns. Sometimes I like to imagine it through the eyes of Robocop where it details why it's funny, gives it a mark out of 100 and looks it up on Wikipedia for you.

That's whats Murta's got, for example. He can't help himself. But on the plus, that means he is helping me.. And that's terrific.



This poster should make anyone do a tiny jump of glee. A pun and free booze? Life don't get much better than that.

Star Whores

The scatty big-eyed nutcase of a bird that I am sharing my leaving do this week has been scouring the Dear Deidre columns for weeks trying to find me a suitably smutty entry for the blog. And last week she reeled in a charming little wriggler on a Star Wars fetish theme!



Ah, Dr Catherine. She's full of good advice, that one. "Itching down below isn't always thrush" she says, with confidence. Phew! What else could it be Cath? A mischievous woodlouse perhaps? Or maybe our poor reader has a haunted chuff? Posessed by Itchy Fandango and his sandpaper ghouls. Whatever it is, let's face it.. They don't ruddy want it. Go and see a proper doctor.

Thanks Becks!

Keeping your eyes peeled

Thankfully my request for some new meat has yeilded some reward! I only hope that I'm not going to have to lower myself to begging more often!

First up, Mike of Banquet Records and Braille fame spotted this chippy in New Malden:



Nice name that. Rock n Roll is preferrable to sole music!

And Jed has reared his ugly head again. Actually, that';s a bit tight. I am trying to keep you lot on board, and he's supplied me as much as anyone. Let's see what he's snared:



Click to zoom if you can't see. But if you can't, you might need to pop in to this very shop (should you be in Oxford).

I think it's between Opticians and Chippys for second in line to hairdressers for the Most Common crown. But at a push, I'd say the eyes have it.