TFI Punday

Good morning on this cold and foggy Winter's day. As an early Christmas treat (and I do mean early. It's still November, put the mince pies away love) I'm creaking open the door to TFI Punday!

My young, handsome friend Ben has recently invited his Facebook pals to a game, whereby his wall has been filled with puns galore. The aim, to make a person's name out of a phrase.

Some of the best so far being:

Paddy O'Doors
Gillian Icecream
Jim Membership
Emerson Messenger
Pierre Pressure

You get the drift, yeah? So let's have some fun with this one today! May I suggest if youre playing on Twitter we use the tag #phrasenames.

OK, go!

Rye humour

I was pointed in the direction today, of a blog of pure, unbridled perfection. It is for minds like this that Tumblr exists. Good friends, I give you, Bread People.



Enjoy, but do clean up the crumbs.

Furrys a jolly good fellow

Thanks a bundle to one of my constant suppliers, Rosie for not only finding me a pair of puns to put up, but having the decency to make sure they're themed! Pets may well win prizes, but not unless they're groomed to a good standard. And if de-shedding is what your moggy needs, then this tool can sort it out:



I want you all to take note of how I avoided any "grooming your pussy" jokes there. Yes, I know I've brought it up now, but if I didn't nip it in the bud right here, one of you jokers would've come out with it and claimed some sort of comedy crown which just doesn't ruddy well belong to you, ok?

Anger aside, let's get cutesy:



Aww. I'm reliably informed that this establishment is re-opening in Fulham soon, much to the relief of Greater London's pug community.

NO "DOGGY STYLE" JOKES EITHER, RIGHT?

Good, thanks!

Spar Wars

A couple of weeks ago, for the first time ever, I contributed my vocal chords to what will be a real record, which will be released and everything. Luckily for the listeners of said record, I was part of a gang vocal, and not the lead or anything frighteningly real like that.

The studio was set in deepest, darkest Deptford, and fortunately the off license next door provided adequate sustenance for destroying one's voice before shouting on a rooftop. Upon reaching the till, the always well-placed sweetie rack beneath bore something resembling the humble Blackjack, but this little neighbour of Fruit Salads was a Star Wars related treat:



I nearly fell over at the revelation of it all, which I suppose would've been appropriate given we recording the last ever Down I Go single, but fortunately I was firm-footed enough to grab a photo, and was even treated to one of the bars by my pal Tom. But that may have only been because he needed to spend over a fiver to be permitted to pay on a card. What a hero.

TFI Punday Comp Results

A sincere thank you to all of you who provided entries for last Monday's #TFIPunday. I'm not sure if the increased activity and constantly lit "new mail" icon on my desktop was to do with the offer of reward rather than just for good old fashioned fun this time, but I was pleased nonetheless!

I asked for you to come up with some suitably red-top headlines for a pair of stories from the BBC News site. The first, a report on how every peeping Tom's favourite new tool, Google Street View, has recently delved into the Antarctic, providing a detailed look at lots of snow.

The second, a sad tale about a vineyard in rural France had been robbed of all it's Cabernet Sauvignon grapes.

And so, I offer you up the winners, and some very closely placed runner's up who deserve your applause, if not a crummy tshirt and tote bag.

For the Google story, I chose Jed's ode to everyone's favourite chocolate biscuit:

C-C-C-CLICK ON A PENGUIN!

But a pair of others I particularly enjoyed were

Google Cars In Pole Position (Matt, Kingston)
Google on Adelie Diet (Lars, US)

And for the wine story, a headline worthy of gracing any front page:

FROGS LEG IT WITH WHITE WINE SOURCE

An delicious piece of summing up from Simon there, I'm sure you'll agree. Matt was VERY close in stealing the prize with his effort below, but this one tickled me just slightly more.

Grape & Pillage (Matt, Kingston)
Cabernet SauvignYOINK! (Gaz, Bristol)
Another Vine Mess you've got us into (Gary, US)
Detectives Draw a Blanc in Wine Case (Gary, US)

Thanks to everyone who bothered to enter again. I hope it brightened up your Monday as much as it did mine. I'll be looking to do more in the near future. Simon and Jed, I'll email you personally to sort out your prizes!

And just for fun today, shall we do one of the old school TFI Punday's? Yeah! Why not. We're all friends here. How about...

Nice Films (or #nicefilms for the tweeters among you)

Like, making film titles just a bit... nicer. That would be lovely, wouldn't it? Y'know, like:

Lock Stock And Two Stroking Flannels
28 Days Lighter
The Goodfather

Hooray! Let's do this.

TFI Punday COMPETITION!

The rumours are true! Worry not about tube strikes and horrendous weather, because the best day of the week has returned! Yes, TFI Punday is BACK!

For those of you who are new readers to this little nook in the internet, TFI Punday was my own little attempt at bringing some sunshine back into Mondays (generally regarded as the least popular day of the seven). Every week I set a topic like Food Films or Kitchen Songs and for the next 24 hours or so I'd be bombarded with jokes from everyone I knew and a lot of people that I didn't. And how we all laughed and cried together. It was truly a beautiful thing.

But things evolve and morph, and as such TFI Punday will have a little twist this time 'round. This time, it IS a competition! I've scoured the news for stories that are a little out-of-the-ordinary, and they will be our subjects. I want a headline for each one, plain and simple. And not only that, there are prizes! Dramatic music please!

The best headline for each story will receive an official Punning Man "PUNS NOT GUNS" tshirt and a tote bag of their choice from The Punning Man Boutique!

So, here are your stories to title. As you'll see, the Beeb haven't exactly gone all out with their efforts:

Google Street View hits Antarctic

and

French thieves steal entire Cabernet Sauvignon vineyard

I hope this feeds your minds and cheers up this otherwise gloomy Monday for you. And you could win what has been voted the "Best Tshirt Ever" for you your trouble! That might be a lie.

Join in on Twitter (tag with #tfipunday), Facebook or email your entries to sean@thepunningman.com

Red Top of The Pops

There are some things which are just quintessentially British, even though you may not like that fact. The Royal Family, rain, queuing, whinging about The Royal Family, rain and queuing, and of course, Sir Cliff Richard.

Sir Cliff's been around longer than sand, but at the ripe old age of 70 he still looks the part when sunning himself on the beach! And apparently, this is worthwhile a story enough to print it in the national presses.

At least the News of The World had the decency to headline this particular non-event with a pun which absolutely knocked me for six though:



That's whacked them straight to number one in the chart's for quality headlines! Step up red messrs, you have your work cut out beating that one!

Christmas is punning

There's a nice little article on the Creative Review blog about Harvey Nic's Christmas Cards (yes, I'm afraid it's probably time to start thinking about that now, dear readers), which have typical Christmas fayre illustrated into celebrities.



This one of our sour-faced Scottish pal being my favourite.
Check out the blog post here.

Thanks to Nikki for the tip off!

Fire Like This

Nothing pleases me more then when something which essentialy quite boring tries to liven itself up with a well executed pun. Let's take the world of fireplaces, for example. Hardly the Ferrari showroom, is it? But one particular establishment in Wimbledon Chase has stepped up their efforts to get those customers in:



..and I tell you what. When we buy our house, which (if any of the ones we've viewed so far are to go by) will have a fireplace, then this is where we will be shopping.

Thanks to Doc Thirde yet again for that!

And don't forget the joker

Praise be to my old friend Axl, who after much hard drive (as well as soul) searching has been able to find me an absolute beauty from her time in Vancouver back in 2006.



I reckon this must be the joint Lemmy uses to get his leathers looking so spanking!