I just got a text from Jed (he who spotted me the Fond Ewe), with conclusive proof that the red tops don't hold the monopoly on punning, which is great news, cos it's not just low-brow that I'm after.
Brian Viner's column in today's Independent is a colourful rant on names. Specifically names of paint swatches and later of famous people's offspring. You can find the whole column here, but I've plucked out the highlight for those who frankly can't be bothered:
Anyway, we've been trawling through the internet looking at used cars, and have found ourselves longing for the days when vehicles were white, red, blue and green. Now they are black sapphire, titanium grey, magic blue, caper green, savile grey pearl and even electric silver coarse flake metallic. It's like buying a car from Farrow and Ball, or would be, if Farrow and Ball hadn't stepped up to the next level of daftness, offering matt vinyl emulsions in arsenic, clunch, elephant's breath, dead salmon, mouse's back and ancient virtue. All you want to do is find a suitable colour for the downstairs loo and suddenly you're overcome with emulsion.
That's the best newspaper pun I've seen of late. Let's see who'll get the most column inches on here now you lot are furiously searching the tabloids for me. Someone notify Richard Wallace - He's got his work cut out.
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